Your people tree
I am reading The Source by Dr. Tara Swart, a medical doctor turned neuroscientist and coach. It is a great read. She defines The Source as our whole brain – the cortex (our planning and data-driven decision-making abilities), the limbic system (our emotions), our gut, and what we sense throughout our bodies. The whole brain and body experience that makes us who we are. I resonate with this.
One topic that caught my attention was the people tree and I thought it was worth sharing. I have mentioned in the past that our brains love social interactions, making us social creatures. Swart says that our need for social connections is primal and the people around us form our tribe. And we (brain and body) need our tribe to thrive.
This affects our mindset too. The quality of each connection within our tribe influences our thinking, mood, and behaviour. Swart’s research shows that we are influenced by those closest to us in a variety of ways – from lifestyle habits (both healthy and unhealthy) to emotions and even our finances!
For example, a close friend getting divorced has been found to increase your risk of divorce significantly. A friend becoming obese increases your risk of obesity by 57% the following year! (I wonder if it works the other way too – a close friend losing weight?) 😉
She goes on to say that we influence each other’s stress hormone levels too!
The people tree is an exercise to examine the impact on you by the people you spend most time with! It is often said that we are a combination of the five people we spend the most time with!
Do try it. I did and found the results fascinating.
1. Get a piece of paper or your journal and draw a tree with five branches. And on each branch write the name of the five closest people to you. They can be your friends, family, colleagues. Whomever you feel is most significant in your life now.
2. Along each branch, write five words that best describe that person. These can be positive or negative. They should sum up that person and what they mean to you.
3. Look at the words and see how much of them you recognise in yourself. Put an asterisk by the words that relate to any strengths of your own you recognise and an X by the negative traits you share.
4. Think about how you can mitigate/eliminate the Xs. Swart says we are often most judgemental about others for things that deep down we fear ourselves.
Once your tree is complete, look at the 25 words you have written – these traits are influencing you constantly. What is the impact of these people on your mindset?
Swart takes it further and asks if interactions with these 5 people are fuelling or draining The Source.
Should your tree be filled with negativity you will need to take action to change it. By spending less time with those people or changing the way you interact with them.
Swart looks at it matter-of-factly. Who brings out the best you and who needs to go.
The overall goal is to make us feel more connected with the positive energy of other people. It is a great way to bolster our own energy.
Quite an eye-opening exercise. Something worth reflecting on as we approach the end of 2023 and look ahead to 2024.
As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com